I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
