I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
