You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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