I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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