What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
