90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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