it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
