So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
