you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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