I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
