Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
