Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
