There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
