it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
