smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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