The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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