I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
