I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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