I'm lost and stupid without you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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