Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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