like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
