Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
