So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
