you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
