Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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