I just threw up on my dentist
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
