god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
