I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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