it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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