I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
