please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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