He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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