Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
