How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
