sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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