As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
