Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
