I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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