if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
