I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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