don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
