So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
