every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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