She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
