If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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