What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
