when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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