I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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