I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
