if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
