quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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