I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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