Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
