theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
