nut hugger
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
