how can u be prego again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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