OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
