This house was built for laser tag.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
