You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
