i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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