I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
