Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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