On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
