swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
