Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
