we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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