I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
