i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
