I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i think i just lost a toe
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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