did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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